Day Two

Day 2:

Day two, and I awoke a little hesitantly. Mornings have been strange these last few weeks. Instead of waking gently, and quietly reeling my brain in from sleep, I now wake with a startling confusion, that “something’s wrong” feeling. My next thought is that this is a dream, and a very bad dream at that, but it is quickly followed by reality’s wake up call, something is going on that I needed to remember, and very quickly. And there it is, I recall the last few weeks, x-rays, tests, diagnosis, chemo. Ah, that’s right, yesterday was chemo day one. Since my diagnosis I had been incredibly anxious to begin my treatment, and yesterday, it had happened. I did a mental scan from head to toe, headache, no… nausea, no… pain at injection site, no, rib pain, some, muscle pain, no. Hmmmm…. I think that I actually felt better this morning than I have in a days. I know it is early in the process, but I am thrilled, that at least for this morning, I feel ok.

So, you may be wondering why I have decided to keep this blog, and to invite you to join in. I have no idea what the future will bring, at least the near future, but I know that things will change, maybe swiftly, and I wanted to have a way to communicate with my friends and family in a very honest, and open way, so that they could keep up with my progress, and know where to direct their prayers. We’ll see where it goes and how it goes, but for now, if anyone wants information, they can come here and read of my adventure. This does not mean that I do not want phone calls or other correspondence, I do, I just wanted to give everyone another option and leave myself a creative outlet (imagine that).

Yesterday, I was given everything but the kitchen sink. Today, I go back for the kitchen sink. After that, we will be on a one-week cycle for the trial, and a 21 day cycle for the standard protocol. I feel so incredibly blessed to have been randomized into the trial, and into the arm, which will receive the extra biologic medication. It seems that I will be a trail-blazer here, as I am the first in the Midwest to receive this drug. It is no the first time it has been trialed, and they have seen good success in previous trials, so I am very encouraged and so thrilled to have anything available to increase my odds.

So, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, my treatment has started, and I am happy. It’s going to be a good day, followed, I hope by many more like it. I see this as my winter, a season I dislike, but must trudge through with its gray skies, cold, and slippery ice. Winter can be an uncomfortable place, but there are moments of beauty if you look for them. I intend to look for them in this season of mine. I intend to find them every day. Today, I don’t need to look very far.