Day 58- Happy to Wear Rose-Colored Glasses

This has been an interesting week. I thought we began with a perfect plan. Dehydration had ambushed me on my last chemo cycle, and by the time I realized what had caused the problem, I was a week into my desiccation. Playing catch up was a tough trick. Determined to avoid the mistakes of the past, this time, I was scheduled up for regular fluid fill ups, before I even left the office on day one. No problem. I am a compliant patient, and was happy (well, maybe happy is not the word) to pack it up, and head back to the office for days two, five and six, before returning for my next treatment on day seven, which would of course, include more hydration.

So much for best-laid plans; even though I took additional fluids for the next 7 days, it was still a bit of a rough go for a while. Happily though, my wonderful friend arrived from the beach with her daughter and granddaughter for a short visit. Their theory; if I couldn’t come to the beach, the beach would come to me. It was a wonderful plan.

Although their visit reinforced my belief that I was seriously due for a beach fix, it also gave me additional incentive to finish up the next half of my treatment. My goal is to be able to make the trip as soon as possible. There is just something so healing about the ocean. Standing on the beach, looking out at the vastness, and down at the incomprehensible number of grains of sand under my feet, have always helped me put life into perspective. There, I know that even though I am as inconsequential as one of these grains of sand, I have a God who knows me by name. In the midst of such amazing beauty and wonder, I am reassured that life moves on, no matter what our temporary troubles, the tide moves in and out, and the waves continue their rhythmic washing of the shore. It is comforting.

Day 44

Ready for more good news? As some of you may know, I am not only taking main line standard of care chemo, but am also lucky enough to be enrolled in a national trial. After meeting the criteria, and being admitted to the trial, I was even luckier to be admitted into the arm that receives an additional biological medication. It is my understanding, that although this is a third level trial, I am the first one in the Midwest to have received this drug. Unbelievably enough, the results of my first follow up scans were amazingly improved. In the words of my doctor,” this just doesn’t happen, but I never underestimate Divine Providence.”

It seems that the bone involvement is stable, which is very positive because there is a lag time between tumor death and bone regeneration, so I am thrilled with stable. But the wonderful surprise was that the mass of the main tumor has shrunk an amazing 75%, and this is only six weeks into treatment.  I am truly doing the happy dance.

There is no doubt in my mind that the Father is behind it all, whether it is through my miraculous improvement in such a short time, or through His intervention with the creation of such wonderful scientific minds that have brought us advances in medicine and science. I simply know that, although I don’t expect this kind of news every time, and I know that the road ahead will be very long. I am truly thankful to have something wonderful, and positive to report today.

 I am so thankful for all of my prayerful friends, and would lovingly ask you to continue on with our storming of Heaven. I am hoping that He will get so tired of hearing my name that He will relent and wipe this terrible thing away. As my doctor said, “wouldn’t it be wonderful if this trial drug just melted the tumors away.” I’m praying for that as it would be a miracle for me, and would be a wonderful advance in science for others to share in. So friends, I am thankful for your past prayers, will cherish your future prayers, and welcome the addition of my name on any prayer list you may have access to. Without prayer and faith, there is no hope, and I am hopeful.

As I start on cycle three of my program, I know that this may be a rough week, but it is so much easier to tolerate knowing that we are seeing success. Whatever I have to deal with now is quite a fair trade in my mind. I thank you again for all of your prayers…. I don’t know what I would do without them or you.

Day 38

Day 38

Day 34 caught me by surprise, as the malaise, that for the last two weeks had been my companion, seemed to fade to something much more tolerable. Out of nowhere, what resembled a normal energy level miraculously returned. It was about time. As far as I was concerned, two or three days of downtime was about as much as I was hoping to give up each cycle, and the exhaustion this round, had far exceeded my self-imposed goal for rebounding.

And so, with more energy than I had had in two weeks, I did the only thing that made sense, and took a much too expensive trip to the warehouse store. I returned home, determined to use my energy flash to cook as much food as possible before it faded. Before I knew it, I had chicken poaching, beef browning, and pasta boiling.  Meatloaf, lasagna, baked ziti, broccoli and chicken casserole, Johnny Marzetti, and Italian sausage with rigatoni and white sauce were wrapped, labeled, and hurried into the freezer. In a frenzy, I had assembled a dozen meals that were then packed away in the freezer for another day when I might not have it in me to cook. It was a satisfying feeling to know that my comfort foods were tucked away, and ready if I needed them. Just heat, and eat, no fuss no muss. What a relief.

It would be day 37 before I recovered from that exercise. Live and learn. I am committed to doing what I can when I can and not beating myself up about it if I don’t have the energy or desire to complete a task. Today’s goals were partially achieved, and that’s quite all right with me. A little at a time, inch by inch; this may be a game of four steps forward and three steps back, but it will still be forward progress. I’ll take it, and relish it, because no one knows what next week will bring. On tap are follow up scans, and the beginning of cycle three. It’s amazing how quickly these three week cycles are rolling by. I am trusting that my results will be positive. I believe that’s half the battle.